Forgiveness? Maria Goretti: Part 1

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Dr. Laura Marie Grimes

@DrLauraGrimes

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St. Maria Goretti thoughts on progressive/moderate reframes: a thread. 

I.e. those of us who dislike official better-dead-than-raped “martyr of chastity”exaltation. Especially for a child of 11.

Some of us are survivors of sexual abuse & assault, which makes us especially aware of how much this story, & that of other girls & women sainted for the same thing, contributes to Christian rape culture. Others are allies & advocates. 

Main reframes are 1) Her real holiness consists of forgiving attempted rapist. 2) Additional holiness is shown in concern for his soul demonstrated by saying “It’s a sin—you will go to hell.” 

I respect both, but also have some significant concerns. To begin with second: 

Awesomeness of that: she, unlike official & informal canonizers, understood it would only be his sin, with not the tiniest violation of her purity/virtue, if he had succeeded in his rape attempt.

I believe it was a brilliant self defense tactic against his evil: warning him of stakes if he succeeded (continued) in his attack. 

No 11 year old or other child is one iota responsible for anyone else’s soul, especially an adult’s, & above all her abuser’s.

That kind of parentification/adultification is a huge part of the evil, grooming, & excusing of abuse. “But she/he is so mature for their age.” 

First issue, forgiveness, is more complicated.

One the one hand, it can be a sacred & healing reality. Especially as a legacy at the point of death, as in Jesus’ case. 

One virtually never noticed reason—I first heard it from a white friend quoting pastor of her Black church: It’s safe & appropriate then BECAUSE THEY CAN’T ABUSE YOU ANYMORE. 

On the other: forced forgiveness is a nightmarish additional abuse that cries out to heaven for vengeance. 

And it happens constantly in Christian circles, with vicious & shaming & very selective quotes from Jesus in the Gospels. Ignoring & undermining the very Jewish wisdom of his other directives: rebuke followed by forgiveness only if response is repentance & amends. 

Because anger at evil & abuse can be agonizing to witness by good who long to help & can do so only by holding safe space & words & silence to honor & encourage preciousness of the victim. And valid fury that affirms it, & despair that challenges it, in weaving Spirit spiral.

And profoundly threatening to perpetrators—& colluders—hiding their own demonic secret. And continuing their demonic behavior. And plotting their demonic lies & excuses & DARVO & cheap grace & crucifixion of victims if discovered.

Especially their sacrilegious abuse of forgiveness & confession & Confession when it happens. 

I personally tend against forgiveness sans repentance. Unless I or perpetrator is dying, & even then after significant time & healing. Latter is actually happening with one of mine & quite the fascinating process! 

While understanding & respecting people who find it liberating to make their free choice independent of offender’s behavior. Often after some emotional processing & affirmation, not suppressing “spiritual bypass.” 

Both of which are light years away from a traumatized & imminently dying 11 year old lying on a hospital bed in physical & emotional anguish equal to Jesus’, but longer. 

Which is why, despite being commonly assumed & claimed, she didn’t initiate forgiveness in parallel to prophetic “You will go to hell”—still precisely as true when his rape was “only” of her spirit & every other part of her bleeding sacred body. 

It was asked by a priest —there to give her the last sacramental rites crucial to escaping hell, or at least purgatory, herself. Including confession of her infinitesimal 11 year old sins. 

After responding to her desperate begging for water to lessen dehydration by massive blood loss from 14 stabs:

“Jesus on cross said ‘I thirst’ & no one gave him any water. Will you offer up your thirst for sinners?”

What the hell else could she say but yes? 

And shut up, including while enduring surgery without anesthesia in an unsuccessful attempt to save her life. 

I believe she did have some buy in to final forgiveness question because she went beyond “yes” to:

1. “ I do forgive Alessandro Serenelli— naming also claimed her dignity & made a powerful accusation & reminder of his evil.

2. And I want him with me in heaven—where, like Jesus, she would be safe from further abuse. 

And, given her Catholic faith & previous warning, in no way ruled out & likely assumed a significant stay in lucky to get there Purgatory for repentance & transformation & true amends to her.

St. Maria Goretti, traumatized & powerful & furious & triumphant over hell on earth, & helping us to do the same: We love & grieve & honor you…pray for us.