Bathsheba & Joseph

     Welcome to this blog & community created to name, fight, & heal sexual assault, abuse, & misconduct in Christian churches, families, and universities.

    These are taboo topics even in the era of #MeToo. Survivors who speak out on #ChurchToo are frequently subjected to cruel backlash not just by perpetrators, but enablers & colluders from local congregations, their own families & friends, & denominational authorities who punish victims for breaking silence. 

    But we & our allies are silent no more. We shout our stories of sexual assault & support each other in the ensuing firestorm. This happens especially with clergy perpetrators & the regional & national authorities who feign concern but hide behind unethical law firms & pious platitudes. 

    Perhaps the deepest cuts are from fellow congregants, ministry partners, and friends. It is terrifying to face the reality that a trusted pastor is a dangerous wolf rather than a caring shepherd, and a beloved community an unsafe place for worship & spiritual growth. So victims are blamed as seducers, compounding the floods of shame & guilt that already overwhelm us. Allegations are denied outright, or vastly minimized as "inappropriate"--especially if the violation does not fit stereotypical images of severe physical force. 

    Perhaps the most evil and agonizing aspect of these responses is parallel abuse of the sacred realities of repentance & forgiveness. Abusers are idolized for purported humility & growth, frequently receiving standing ovations if they publicly confess. Victims, on the other hand, are shamed & blamed with selective & misinterpreted passages of Scripture. We are pressured to instantly forgive & forget without actual amends & restorative justice, which also endangers the arrogant & self-deceived souls of perpetrators and potential future victims.  

    We challenge myths that sexual misconduct and accompanying emotional, spiritual, & physical abuse could never happen in our families & churches & schools. We fight delusions that it is restricted to a particular denomination, gender, sexual orientation, & social location. Most importantly, we shatter the lie that only pedophiles--especially gay Catholic priests--are true abusers, and only children --especially altar boys--are true victims. The immense & unrecognized power differential between pastors & congregants, even in less hierarchical systems, makes true consent impossible. and seemingly minor words & touches egregious violations.

    Bathsheba & Joseph (Clapback to Leonard Cohen---tune "Hallelujah")

    Verse 1. His royal power shatterproof, he spied me bathing from his roof, & sent his soldiers out to fetch me to him;

        He grabbed my hair, then forced me down, with arrogance fueled by his crown; slew my beloved, locked me in his harem.

       God was shrieking in my shrieking; God was weeping in my weeping.

    This song flowed from my heart & soul in one passionate afternoon, prophetically exposing the core theological source of Christian rape culture: profoundly selfish & foolish misinterpretation of Scripture. The saving truth of God's Word is itself violated, poisoning the fountain of life connecting us with the radical empowering love of God with the deadly lies of the Evil One. He has been ultimately conquered by Jesus crucified, suffering with us--stripped, shamed and sexually abused---and risen in glory with wounds become radiant sources of healing. But that liberation & victory are only partial in this world.

    This perverted theft of the Bible occurs explicitly in preaching, religious education & study groups, & the deeply flawed theological & spiritual books which deceive true seekers & enable false prophets. But it also comes in popular culture, especially in countries with past or present Christian majorities where its stories & language have filtered into many aspects of life.

    Hence the brilliant Jewish composer Leonard Cohen, unaware of the rabbinic tradition's insightful identification of Bathsheba as innocent victim rather than evil seductress, composed the haunting & wildly popular "Hallelujah" by vilifying not just her but Delilah, clever freedom fighter for her people:

    Your faith was strong, but you needed proof; you saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you;

    She tied you to her kitchen chair, she broke your throne & she cut your hair, & from your lips she drew the Hallelujah. 

    "David pleased the Lord"--and he pleases Christians to this day, combining societal misogyny and power worship with his claimed status as honored precursor of our "Son of David." His minimal repentance of one sentence, solely for murdering Bathsheba's husband and stealing his patriarchal property, is read in countless worship services & glorified in countless sermons. Bathsheba is stigmatized as an opportunistic whore: an equal, if not greater, participant in "adultery," then a schemer obsessed with ensuring her son Solomon's succession to the throne. 

   The most haunting line in her story for me is 2 Samuel 12:24, after David fasts and prays for the survival of their first son, then nonchalantly shakes it off when he dies. He's got plenty more, a dominant stud with a stable of mares to spread his sacred seed.

    "David comforted his wife Bathsheba" = He raped her some more.

    Verse 2. Her slaver's power in her hand, she spied me working on their land, harassed and bullied, tried to lure me to her;

    She grabbed my clothes, then lied in rage, and had me locked inside a cage, abused then victim-blamed by my cruel masters.

    God was shrieking in my shrieking; God was weeping in my weeping.

    For the second verse, I am indebted to Ashley Easter for her powerful interpretation of Joseph as a male survivor of sexual harassment & assault by Potiphar's wife, his enslaving mistress. The story has traditionally been used to attack female rape victims as false accusers of men. (I experienced this when I called out powerful professor Richard Gaillardetz for sexual aggressions on me in our doctoral program & admitted abuse of at least one student in his first teaching position).

    Anyone can rape, & anyone can be raped. Cis & straight male survivors often find it even more difficult to report sexual assaults, with triply intersecting forces producing intense shame. 

1. Masculinity in western culture is strongly associated with power and dominance. So perceived failure in self-defense against such an intimate violation profoundly threatens male victims' self-respect & dignity. 

2. That power & dominance is still --if sometimes implicitly--associated with higher status than women. So perceived failure in self-defense against an inherently "weaker" perpetrator threatens these even more, as well as casting potential doubt on allegations that are reported.

 3. Viciously stigmatizing homophobia and transphobia are increasingly present in backlash and resentment of successful progress in gaining some civil rights. This includes deadly dangerous accusations that gay and trans people are groomers & sexual predators just for existing. So perceived failure in self-defense against an inherently "perverted" perpetrator risks dangerous suspicions about the victim's orientation and manliness.

    Needless to say, all of these factors are exponentially present when victims are members of the LGBTQ+ community.

      I envision this blog as a place of community for survivors & allies: hearing one another into speech, empowering our warrior's courage, comforting our hellish pain, and celebrating the grace of healthy faith and the beauty of the human spirit. Comments & discussion are greatly welcomed, and I hope to have some interviews & guest posts as well.

    I created it, & came up with a wealth of topics, and created some drafts, months ago. But it took connection with the brilliant Twitter community of spiritual and sexual abuse survivors to make my fingers fly and my soul ready to shine. You can find me there at @DrLauraGrimes, & I will add handles as desired.

    Verse 3. We wielded courage, fought so long; She raised a son both wise & strong, became Queen Mother, led her country with him. 

    He dreamed such wonders, counseled friends, was vindicated in the end, & saved his people from a dreadful famine. 

    God rejoices in our power, God rejoices in our triumph; God rejoices in your power; God rejoices in your triumph!